Happy Three Year Anniversary, Los Angeles

Exactly three years ago today, I rolled up to Eric's Hollywood apartment in the middle of the night after an exhausting 3 Day drive from Polk City, FL, loaded down with clothes, minimal household items and boxes of DVD's (priorities, people!)

I'm sitting in an office, a hair away from Beverly Hills, writing this. It's not my office. I'm just a cog in the machine and while it definitely isn't why I made the trek across the country, I appreciate the fact that I couldn't have stayed here without it. I have a true 9-5 job, then I have other jobs. I'm a dad to an amazing, getting-grown-up-to-quickly pre-teen and I'm a writer. None of those other jobs pay me to be here but they are definitely the reason I'm here.

Looking back, I wish I could tell the bright-eyed Kyle, that slept on his best friend's couch ... then a blowup mattress in his friend's empty apartment ... then the floor of a complete stranger's house in the valley, a few things about his first couple years in LA.

Due to my time travel machine being sporadic, and dangerous, at best. I'm not gonna do such a thing. But I'm gonna write down what I would tell that handsome, genius, magnificent son of a bitch.

#1. IT'S GONNA BE HARD. Scratch "hard", sometimes it's gonna be a fucking terrible, nearly-unbearable time. You're gonna miss your family. You're gonna miss your friends. You're gonna miss birthdays & holidays. You're gonna lose. You're gonna struggle. But not only that, you're gonna be "outta sight, outta mind" with those people and become an afterthought. Ringo told me "You got to pay your dues if you wanna sing the blues and you know it don't come easy" and he's dead fucking on.


#2. IT'S WORTH IT. Even if you aren't breaking out a tux and readying an acceptance speech. Hell, even if you're not remotely where you want to be in the industry yet, it's worth it. You're gonna do work that you love. You're gonna meet people that are LIKE you, they want the same things and had the balls to go out and try to get it. You'll be inspired and re-inspired constantly. Dreamers are a dime a dozen in the city and while that can get disparaging, numbers and odds wise, it's also the first time you'll feel really accepted too.

You might not be living your dreams, in three years, or five ... or ten (come the fuck on!) but you're working on living your dreams and you are exactly where you were made to be and not a lot of people can say that.

You're gonna see things that you wouldn't have seen, working in an office or warehouse in Florida. You're gonna do things, you only imagined doing. More importantly, you're gonna show Madison that if you have a dream and a little courage, the only thing that can stop you, is you.

#3. YOU'RE GONNA MEET A LOT OF CUNTS. No way around this one, kid. People suck and in a superficial, me-me-me world like Los Angeles, you're gonna meet the bottom of the barrel. Fake, untrustworthy, terrible, scumbag, name-dropping, rich-in-money bankrupt-in-soul, Doucherockets.

You'll get a jump start from a snake in the grass and come super close to writing a TERRIBLE SCRIPT for a WASHED UP MUSICIAN and it's gonna crush you when it gets ripped away.

You're gonna get threatened with lawsuits for hurting said doucherocket's feelings.

You're gonna get disparaged wondering why people that have a tenth of your talent are walking around running the show when you've got to wait until payday to buy much needed groceries.

But at the end of the day, would you really know how good "GOOD" is if you haven't seen how bad it can be? Refer back to #2.

#4. DO YOU, WORK HARD, AND QUIT WHINING. I've been completely open saying that I knew being a writer here wouldn't happen overnight. Overnight Success is an illusion because the public doesn't see the ten years of hard work that went into that. So, I made my peace with becoming that. But three years deep are you any closer?

I struggle with #4. Daily. We come from an entitled generation. Yeah, we got to ride our bikes all over town and come home when the street lights came on. Yeah, we're the last ones to watch scrambled porn and deal with the hardships of Channel 99. And, at least we aren't part of now's YOLO, everybody-has-to-win generation but we're entitled and I'm definitely part of the problem.

I look at life like a board game sometimes (Monopoly, of course, because LIFE is boring and way too obvious here.) I'm checking the scoreboard constantly. I'm wondering why I'm busting my ass for nothing some days. I'm wondering why I've got a funny & original web-series with 20k views but millions of people watch terrible TV everyday then complain about terrible TV just to watch it anyway.

I'm looking at how I can play by the rules and still be nowhere close to scoring a point while the guy who is breaking the rules has all of the money, all of the power and none of the talent.

Life isn't fair. The end. But that doesn't stop me from dealing with that shit.

But this is what I would tell THAT Kyle. Not about what I'm still having issues with.

Don't worry about what everyone else is doing. They aren't you. They don't have what you have. HEART, my n-word. Use that shit. Work hard. When you think you've worked hard enough, KEEP GOING. And stop crying about it. You know you aren't gonna leave until you accomplish what you want, so make it easier on your wife and your partner and stop complaining.

We'll see if this Kyle gets those messages.

I'm gonna close with this, invisible readers:

If I've learned anything in three years here, it's to try to be happy no matter what.

I'm not a naturally happy person. I look at the goals sometimes and get wrapped up in getting there instead of enjoying the ride to it. I have so much in life to be thankful for: A great & supportive wife and daughter, a no-nonsense friend and partner that understands my hangups but believes in me and what we can accomplish, and at the end of the day, even if I don't invite you all over for a massive after Oscar win party, I'm doing what I want in life. I'm here, in the city of my dreams. I've been true to myself to be here and stay here and I'm working hard on being the me I want to be. And that's pretty fucking good.

Happy Anniversary, Los Angeles.

Kyle

The Big Picture

Howdy to everyone I've guilt-tripped into reading this; it's much appreciated. I'll try to keep it quick, I just wanted to talk about the last four days and maybe a little about the bigger picture too.

Before this past Thursday, I hadn't seen my sister since I scooted out of Florida in August 2011. We've always been close, despite our age difference and while being away from friends and family is always hard it was especially hard in the case of my sister and brother.

Don't trust anybody

We grew up together, albeit in different stages, usually with the fat one watching the little one or ones. I detested being the built-in babysitter at times but I wouldn't give it up for anything now because it created a bond that we'll share for life. I may have wanted to be watching a show that's long been forgotten or a game that I'd end up beating just a little later instead of changing diapers or entertaining a kid but it gave us a chance to be ourselves from the ground up. We laughed & cried together, played & created our own little worlds together. And that's what I remember now. Not missing a phone call or a movie, but those kids and those times. They are what count.

So long and thanks for all the fish

Kourtney arrived on Thursday night, not caring about what we did in the city just as long as we did it together. We started as soon as she landed and didn't stop exploring Los Angeles until late Monday night. We tried to pack as much as we could into 4 full days. Seeing sites, talking, joking, singing, watching movies and just living a little slice of what we used to when it seemed like we'd have all the time in the world. It was exhausting and amazing re-learning the in's and out's of what makes this city, and more importantly. our relationships special.

If I guilt-tripped you this far, then you probably already know what we did, when we did it and seen tons of photos so I'm not gonna get into all that. What I will get into is a little of the bigger picture.

Time is the currency we are all spending. We don't know how much money we've got until it's gone. You've got to make time count. You've got to spend it wisely. I'm guilty of spending time like there's no tomorrow, burning it up on things that don't matter in the long run.

Malibu 6.2.14

Kourtney's trip was as close to perfect as four short days can get but it's also a lesson. If you've only got a little bit of that currency to spend in the grand scheme of things, you gotta buy the stuff that matters. You've got to make memories, you've got to be with the people you love, the people that make you your best you and my sister is definitely one of the special people that makes me the best me.

We are here to change the world ...

It's hard here in Los Angeles, too fucking hard at times, and between work and trying to build the life I've dreamed about since I was a kid, I forget the little things sometimes. The simple things. I have wonderful family and friends here but the people who made me who I am back home don't get to share in that. Not in person. It means the world to me to be able to pick up like it was just yesterday with the special ones and show them my world now. To share with them, in person, and I couldn't have asked for a better person to do that with than Kourtney. The last four days seemed like just a couple hours and even though she's in the air heading to Florida as I write this I miss her already but you can bet I'll cherish our time for as long as I live.

Da Vinci Girls

I love you Kourtney Brown and here's to seeing each other, talking to each other and being us much more often than we have the past few years.

Auf Wiedersehen.