I'm sitting in an office, a hair away from Beverly Hills, writing this. It's not my office. I'm just a cog in the machine and while it definitely isn't why I made the trek across the country, I appreciate the fact that I couldn't have stayed here without it. I have a true 9-5 job, then I have other jobs. I'm a dad to an amazing, getting-grown-up-to-quickly pre-teen and I'm a writer. None of those other jobs pay me to be here but they are definitely the reason I'm here.
Looking back, I wish I could tell the bright-eyed Kyle, that slept on his best friend's couch ... then a blowup mattress in his friend's empty apartment ... then the floor of a complete stranger's house in the valley, a few things about his first couple years in LA.
Due to my time travel machine being sporadic, and dangerous, at best. I'm not gonna do such a thing. But I'm gonna write down what I would tell that handsome, genius, magnificent son of a bitch.
#1. IT'S GONNA BE HARD. Scratch "hard", sometimes it's gonna be a fucking terrible, nearly-unbearable time. You're gonna miss your family. You're gonna miss your friends. You're gonna miss birthdays & holidays. You're gonna lose. You're gonna struggle. But not only that, you're gonna be "outta sight, outta mind" with those people and become an afterthought. Ringo told me "You got to pay your dues if you wanna sing the blues and you know it don't come easy" and he's dead fucking on.
#2. IT'S WORTH IT. Even if you aren't breaking out a tux and readying an acceptance speech. Hell, even if you're not remotely where you want to be in the industry yet, it's worth it. You're gonna do work that you love. You're gonna meet people that are LIKE you, they want the same things and had the balls to go out and try to get it. You'll be inspired and re-inspired constantly. Dreamers are a dime a dozen in the city and while that can get disparaging, numbers and odds wise, it's also the first time you'll feel really accepted too.
You might not be living your dreams, in three years, or five ... or ten (come the fuck on!) but you're working on living your dreams and you are exactly where you were made to be and not a lot of people can say that.
You're gonna see things that you wouldn't have seen, working in an office or warehouse in Florida. You're gonna do things, you only imagined doing. More importantly, you're gonna show Madison that if you have a dream and a little courage, the only thing that can stop you, is you.
#3. YOU'RE GONNA MEET A LOT OF CUNTS. No way around this one, kid. People suck and in a superficial, me-me-me world like Los Angeles, you're gonna meet the bottom of the barrel. Fake, untrustworthy, terrible, scumbag, name-dropping, rich-in-money bankrupt-in-soul, Doucherockets.
You'll get a jump start from a snake in the grass and come super close to writing a TERRIBLE SCRIPT for a WASHED UP MUSICIAN and it's gonna crush you when it gets ripped away.
You're gonna get threatened with lawsuits for hurting said doucherocket's feelings.
You're gonna get disparaged wondering why people that have a tenth of your talent are walking around running the show when you've got to wait until payday to buy much needed groceries.
But at the end of the day, would you really know how good "GOOD" is if you haven't seen how bad it can be? Refer back to #2.
#4. DO YOU, WORK HARD, AND QUIT WHINING. I've been completely open saying that I knew being a writer here wouldn't happen overnight. Overnight Success is an illusion because the public doesn't see the ten years of hard work that went into that. So, I made my peace with becoming that. But three years deep are you any closer?
I struggle with #4. Daily. We come from an entitled generation. Yeah, we got to ride our bikes all over town and come home when the street lights came on. Yeah, we're the last ones to watch scrambled porn and deal with the hardships of Channel 99. And, at least we aren't part of now's YOLO, everybody-has-to-win generation but we're entitled and I'm definitely part of the problem.
I look at life like a board game sometimes (Monopoly, of course, because LIFE is boring and way too obvious here.) I'm checking the scoreboard constantly. I'm wondering why I'm busting my ass for nothing some days. I'm wondering why I've got a funny & original web-series with 20k views but millions of people watch terrible TV everyday then complain about terrible TV just to watch it anyway.
I'm looking at how I can play by the rules and still be nowhere close to scoring a point while the guy who is breaking the rules has all of the money, all of the power and none of the talent.
Life isn't fair. The end. But that doesn't stop me from dealing with that shit.
But this is what I would tell THAT Kyle. Not about what I'm still having issues with.
Don't worry about what everyone else is doing. They aren't you. They don't have what you have. HEART, my n-word. Use that shit. Work hard. When you think you've worked hard enough, KEEP GOING. And stop crying about it. You know you aren't gonna leave until you accomplish what you want, so make it easier on your wife and your partner and stop complaining.
We'll see if this Kyle gets those messages.
I'm gonna close with this, invisible readers:
If I've learned anything in three years here, it's to try to be happy no matter what.
I'm not a naturally happy person. I look at the goals sometimes and get wrapped up in getting there instead of enjoying the ride to it. I have so much in life to be thankful for: A great & supportive wife and daughter, a no-nonsense friend and partner that understands my hangups but believes in me and what we can accomplish, and at the end of the day, even if I don't invite you all over for a massive after Oscar win party, I'm doing what I want in life. I'm here, in the city of my dreams. I've been true to myself to be here and stay here and I'm working hard on being the me I want to be. And that's pretty fucking good.
Happy Anniversary, Los Angeles.
Kyle
